


For Goodness' Sake

by houselesbian



Category: Promare (2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Arson, Arson mention, Gen, Lio as he would be if he'd had to keep doing what he was doing into his late twenties, M/M, Objectification, Social Commentary, The Character Death tag is because this is a Good Place AU, light blasphemy, massive spoilers for the Good Place, the good place AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:21:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23139145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/houselesbian/pseuds/houselesbian
Summary: Lio opened his eyes to the sound of running water and twinkling chimes. He was seated on an unfamiliar couch upholstered in unassuming beige fabric. It was the most comfortable couch he had ever sat upon.Before him, painted green onto a white wall, were the wordsWelcome!Everything is fine.An assertion Lio sincerely doubted, as his last memory was the gas line going up right after he tried to set a warehouse on fire.Lio Fotia wakes up the Good Place.
Relationships: Lio Fotia/Galo Thymos
Comments: 18
Kudos: 44





	For Goodness' Sake

**Author's Note:**

  * For [audrenes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/audrenes/gifts).



> This is a fic about an older, more jaded Lio Fotia waking up in the Good Place, after an arson-attempt gone wrong. It'll be posted in vignettes, in fits and spurts.  
> Extra notes in post.

Lio opened his eyes to the sound of running water and twinkling chimes. He was seated on an unfamiliar couch upholstered in unassuming beige fabric. It was the most comfortable couch he had ever sat upon.

Before him, painted green onto a white wall, were the words

Welcome!

Everything is fine.

An assertion Lio sincerely doubted, as his last memory was the gas line going up right after he tried to set a warehouse on fire.

* * *

“I am the Architect. Welcome, to The Good Place,” the Architect said.

He had no eyes. He was smiling so violently that they had been reduced to sunken crescents. Lio blinked slowly. He turned towards the portrait on the wall, of a smiling, chestnut-haired man of middling attractiveness and blinked again. The plaque beneath read ‘Doug Forcett’.

“Is this a rehab facility?” Lio asked.

“Oh no,” the Architect said, with a firm shake of his head. “This is the place you go, when you die. If you are very good.”

Lio clicked his teeth. He suspected that industrial arson should preclude you from getting into the Good Place. A strong suspicion rose up through his rigid cloud of habitual paranoia. Lio curled his lips into the lifeless smile his mother had perfected as a society wife, before passing it down to him.

“Oh, I wasn’t that good,” Lio replied.

“But you were!” the Architect said. “You helped save the Patagonian desert duck from extinction! You founded a charity that sent new school shoes to children in third world countries—”

As if Lio would _ever_ do anything to destabilise the shoe-based economy in another country, or forget to use the term _developing_ , at least until a better term evolved itself.

“You donated one of your kidneys to Hugh Jackman—”

Overrated.

“And you spent ten years of your life running a charity which supported old, homeless dogs.”

Well. He didn’t have any objection to that, actually. Dogs deserved homes.

“Mr Architect,” Lio asked. “Do you have another name I might use.”

The Architect smiled his crescent smile, only harder.

“I also go by Kray Foresight,” he said.

“That is a nice name,” Lio lied.

“Thank you!”

“May I ask another question?” Lio asked.

“Of course!” the architect replied.

“Is there any way to get my childhood cat up here with me,” Lio said. “I really loved that cat.”

Foresight smiled. Behind him, Lio heard a bing and felt the weight of four tiny paws on his shoulder. The gentle bing sounded again.

Unnerving.

Lio picked up the cat and began to rub his thumbs over its soft, velvet ears. It was a sweet thing, calico, with a purr that rumbled at a soft, pleasing volume. It bussed its head into his palm.

“What do you think?” Foresight asked.

Lio smiled gracefully. He was entirely sure that he was in hell.

“How wonderful,” Lio replied.

* * *

Lio smiled like a child in a toothpaste ad while Foresight lead him through a town populated by frozen yoghurt stands and salad bars. His kitten sat neatly on his shoulder during the proceedings, like a furry little parrot. Lio did not see a single liquor store. He quietly mourned the margarita he would never get to mix.

Being that he was supposed to believe that he was in a Good Place, he had a nice little house by a nice little pond, only a short walk from the town centre. For a moment, Lio wondered if he might be able to enjoy some of his eternal torment, if only to further prime him for more casual suffering later. 

The interior was covered in religious paraphernalia, including several portraits of the Virgin Mary in various stages of undress. Her beseeching, limpid eyes followed him around the open-plan living space, from kitchen to dining table and past the raised dais that constituted his bedroom. His bed was a single mattress on a wrought iron frame. While it did have a provincial sort of charm, he couldn’t imagine ever being able to fuck on it. Any enthusiasm and you’d go right through the gyprock.

“So, what do you think?” Foresight asked.

“It’s more than I would ever think to ask for,” Lio replied, with complete honesty.

“We’re having a little welcome party in an hour, feel free to get settled in before then,” Foresight’s rictus looked ten seconds away from breaking into shards. “If you need anything, just ask Galo.”

Lio heard the gentle bing sound again.

“Thank you,” he said.

Foresight nodded his head and walked out of Lio’s unsettling new home, closing the door gently behind him. Lio took the cat off his shoulder and put her on the ground after giving her head a little kiss. Lio ran a hand through his hair.

He’d never had a pet cat. Had never cared for Christianity, not even in a blasphemously sexual way. He hadn’t lived any part of the life Foresight had written for him. Perhaps a less narcissistic person might have wondered if there had been a mistake in the system, and that he had actually taken someone else’s place in Not-Heaven, but Lio had spent five years as a vigilante on the run and that meant that he’d gotten used to things being very much About Him.

“Fork me in the ass,” he whispered.

He frowned.

“Fork.”

Nothing.

“Why can’t I say fork?” he hissed.

“That’s because you’re in The Good Place!”

Lio spun on his heel, his cry of surprise halted only by years of bitter experience, hiding from the law. Behind him was a beautiful man with blue hair and the most vacant smile Lio had ever seen. Lio shifted until his feet were hip-width apart, knees slightly bent, arms loose.

“Who are you?” Lio asked.

“I’m Galo! I’m the informational assistant, here at The Good Place!”

His skin had a tanned, peachy glow to it, like something out of an international sports catalogue. He was wearing pants. Lio looked down. Boots as well.

“Galo, why aren’t you wearing a shirt?” Lio asked.

Galo’s nipples were tight and erect, and right at Lio’s eye height.

“I’m not quite sure,” Galo said, looking down at his own bulging pectorals. “The shirt option has been permanently deactivated in my settings. Do you want me to put on a jacket? Maybe a dress?”

Lio wondered why he would try to jeopardise the second thing in his personal hellscape that gave him any pleasure. He wasn’t even sure if he’d get to keep the cat.

“No, this is fine,” Lio said.

“Are you sure?” Galo’s blue eyes had a small dot of red at the centre. “I can change into anything!”

Lio heard a bing. Galo had changed out of his pants and into a skin-tight, navy bodycon dress. The colour made his eyes pop.

“That’s very flattering,” Lio said.

“It accentuates the line of my waist!” Galo said.

“It really does,” Lio replied.

Well, fuck it. Welcome to hell.

“What else you got?” Lio asked.

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers: 
> 
> Lio isn't actually a bad guy. Felt the need to clarify, since I won't in-story for a while and I seriously plan to make this disjointed. I do not have it in me to write a continuous AU for this, but I still like the idea.
> 
> (Based off a long conversation I had months ago with audrenes)


End file.
